[home] [mind] [body] [spirit] [gay fitness and health products] [gay fitness books] [Coach Roc Harwood Tells You Gay Boys How...]
I have a friend who always found it downright shocking that I was friends with one of my ex boyfriends. The idea that Rich and I could get together on a regular basis, have coffee or dinner, see a movie, go out bar hopping seemed to completely perplex this friend. The reason, of course, was that my friend thought it was impossible to be friends with an ex.
Interestingly, shortly after I came out, I remember someone telling me that gay men had a talent more than hetero couples for making friendships out of love affairs. I was thinking about this statement recently because I got into a discussion on a gay men’s message board where most people seemed to think being friends with an ex was as difficult as finding weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
I don’t think gay men readily have any more chance of success at being friends after a breakup, but I do think we may be more willing to make the effort. Partly because in many places the gay community is smaller and more restricted in terms of social outlets than society at large. But, that doesn’t answer the fundamental question that many people have on the issue: is it possible to be friends with an ex?
My immediate answer is to say, of course it’s possible, and then to point to the friendship I mentioned a couple of paragraphs ago. But, I have to qualify that by saying that it depends on the ex in question. There is also one serious relationship in my past where friendship just isn’t an option.
So, how can you tell if friendship will work? Generally just by trying it. If you separated amicably, then you have a good shot as friends. If you broke up in a blow out fight, your chances are quite so good. If you broke up because one of you did something unforgivable (cheating, stealing, etc.), then you have pretty dismal chances because you probably wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who treated you that way.
In any case, there’s going to be some awkwardness, especially if one or both of you is still single. There may even be a risk of getting back together or falling into bed with each other. And this brings me to probably my most important point on the matter: you can’t become friends immediately. It takes time to deal with the end of the relationship and time to think of yourself as single again. In even the best of people, there’s going to be hurt, anger, frustration, and loneliness following a breakup. You need to process that before you can become friends with the other person (regardless of who initiated the breakup or why).
©365Gay.com® 2004
Real Guys Real Pics - Not Just Dick Shots
